Tonight I thought I could just write a few things down to show you guys how I feel currently in terms of life and things. It’ll be short…mostly due to time restraints.
- The past few months have been rocky for me, I think this has had to do with my study and transition from teen life in to adulthood. It's something that everyone has to go through and even though I keep reminding myself of that it doesn't help much with it. I still feel shit when I keep on telling people that I'm fine and then when I ask for advice I get guilty, ashamed that I've yet again over stepped the mark when it comes to my relationship with others and my relationship with God. I am not prepared to bare all my soul with going into the details of what happened but I can say that I have disrespected myself, my friends, my family and God. (I might go into it later on when I have the courage.)
- Something else I've had to deal with is the realisation of turning 20 this year and that this realisation really scares me. Uncertainty due to immaturity is probably the cause of this but I do hope that I can grow as a person as I go into the unknown.
- My difficulty in not over analysing things has come to the fore front of my mind due to something that happened recently at work. I am praying that being able to stop doing this and moving on will come soon…I guess that I just need to gain the wisdom to do so…and I know exactly where to go for that ;).
- Lastly, I have to make a lot of choices these coming weeks; from involvement with the ministry to how many hours I will need to put in to be top of the class this semester to get into the hospital’s student nursing program. I’m just praying that I make the right decisions…but I guess if I do I know what not to do next time :).
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Saturday, October 24, 2009
A collection of my thoughts
Due to some things that I have happened I have been forced to withdraw this from my blog. Sorry for any inconvenience that this may have caused.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Greetings again my friends
Sorry guys about keeping you hanging in there, it's been on hell of the past few days so I didn't think it was the best to write knowing that I might say something that I regret.
I was reflecting on what I could possibly talk about and in the recent week I've been struck with so many issues to do with faith and God and it is for this reason that I thought that I might just share a few points about my faith in God and in Christ.
It's a really huge story that I can't get through in one hit so just showing certain aspects of my Christian life might be easier for everyone to follow.
So anyway....It first started way back in year 4 when I moved to a Catholic school. I had RE most days and I was involved with some masses at the school. I didn't quite understand what I was getting myself into. I spoke to my parents about getting baptised in the Catholic Church (I was baptised by water in the Anglican Church) and we discussed it for a while, we even spoke to the school's sister; nothing eventuated though. When it came to moving to a high school, my parents thought that I should go private rather than public.
Whilst I was [there] I got in some pretty heavy stuff. I decided to become a Buddhist after hearing an RE lesson on the topic but it never really developed into anything. Then came the satanic stuff. I got into Magic and worshipping devils and such. I even considered myself a prophet and a medium. I realise now that the marks of those days still affect me now. I think it was mostly due to escape though. I was bullied a lot and I think that when I was in those states I had power. I would create this little world of my own where I was the boss and everything was dictated by me, a tyrant to those who disobeyed and challenged me. It was whilst this happened that I found the Christian God and started to accept that way of life. My conversion to Christianity was heavily influenced by a combination of two things. My love for fantasy and my love for power. So what got me into worshipping devils and stuff, carried over to what I wanted to get out of my relationship with God. This never really got me anywhere though. I was in worship one minute and the next I'd be going off and drawing or trying to converse with the dead.
I wasn't a good Christian was I?
Next week I'll be looking more into my past in the satanic and I'll also be talking about something that's actually deep to my heart, social justice. So two blog posts will be on the cards for next week, can't wait!
I was reflecting on what I could possibly talk about and in the recent week I've been struck with so many issues to do with faith and God and it is for this reason that I thought that I might just share a few points about my faith in God and in Christ.
It's a really huge story that I can't get through in one hit so just showing certain aspects of my Christian life might be easier for everyone to follow.
So anyway....It first started way back in year 4 when I moved to a Catholic school. I had RE most days and I was involved with some masses at the school. I didn't quite understand what I was getting myself into. I spoke to my parents about getting baptised in the Catholic Church (I was baptised by water in the Anglican Church) and we discussed it for a while, we even spoke to the school's sister; nothing eventuated though. When it came to moving to a high school, my parents thought that I should go private rather than public.
Whilst I was [there] I got in some pretty heavy stuff. I decided to become a Buddhist after hearing an RE lesson on the topic but it never really developed into anything. Then came the satanic stuff. I got into Magic and worshipping devils and such. I even considered myself a prophet and a medium. I realise now that the marks of those days still affect me now. I think it was mostly due to escape though. I was bullied a lot and I think that when I was in those states I had power. I would create this little world of my own where I was the boss and everything was dictated by me, a tyrant to those who disobeyed and challenged me. It was whilst this happened that I found the Christian God and started to accept that way of life. My conversion to Christianity was heavily influenced by a combination of two things. My love for fantasy and my love for power. So what got me into worshipping devils and stuff, carried over to what I wanted to get out of my relationship with God. This never really got me anywhere though. I was in worship one minute and the next I'd be going off and drawing or trying to converse with the dead.
I wasn't a good Christian was I?
Next week I'll be looking more into my past in the satanic and I'll also be talking about something that's actually deep to my heart, social justice. So two blog posts will be on the cards for next week, can't wait!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
First things first....
So this is my first entry on Blogger.com and I thought that this should be directed towards just introducing my self and providing you as a reader a brief over view of the different things that I'm passionate about.
Hi everyone my name is Blaze, I currently live Australia and I am 19 years of age. I was raised in the Catholic School System which has provided me with a Catholic bases to my Christian faith. During my final few years of high school I got involved with a youth ministry in my school and this gave me a multi denominational faith. I'll share more about how this influenced my whole life workings later on.
This has also lead on to other things with my involvement with numerous ministries in my area, varying from being a supporter to being in the youth band playing on bass. This has given me the opportunity to meet so many awesome and influential people and has brought more depth to my understanding of Christ, the Church and the wider community. One of the most notable of these people was a man named Darrell Scott who shared how his daughter, Rachel Scott, led a selfless life until her death in the Columbine Shootings of 1999 aged only 17. I wept like a baby that day and gave a standing ovation for a man with so much courage that he would share something so personal with a stadium of strangers. I am also apart of various other ministries around the world, such as X3Church, Exodus International and Hillsong London.
I have a passion for reading and writing, music (both listening and writing lyrics and accompaniment) and also education. I am currently studying Enrolled Nursing at a local community college, which will hopefully lead onto missionary work in the future. I have already gone to the Solomon Islands and plan on going to Russia or Tanzania it the coming years. I have a passion for God, a passion for Social Justice and an over all passion for helping people. But it wasn't always like this. I have struggled with issues of depression and anxiety, was diagnosed with borderline Autism and Asperses at the age of 12 and I struggle with identity issues that have ruled my life for quite some time.
That’s all for my first post. Sorry if it seemed scatted at all, just wanted to give you a brief overview of everything. I will share all of these things in more depth in the coming weeks when I get sometime to get stuff down on paper.
Hi everyone my name is Blaze, I currently live Australia and I am 19 years of age. I was raised in the Catholic School System which has provided me with a Catholic bases to my Christian faith. During my final few years of high school I got involved with a youth ministry in my school and this gave me a multi denominational faith. I'll share more about how this influenced my whole life workings later on.
This has also lead on to other things with my involvement with numerous ministries in my area, varying from being a supporter to being in the youth band playing on bass. This has given me the opportunity to meet so many awesome and influential people and has brought more depth to my understanding of Christ, the Church and the wider community. One of the most notable of these people was a man named Darrell Scott who shared how his daughter, Rachel Scott, led a selfless life until her death in the Columbine Shootings of 1999 aged only 17. I wept like a baby that day and gave a standing ovation for a man with so much courage that he would share something so personal with a stadium of strangers. I am also apart of various other ministries around the world, such as X3Church, Exodus International and Hillsong London.
I have a passion for reading and writing, music (both listening and writing lyrics and accompaniment) and also education. I am currently studying Enrolled Nursing at a local community college, which will hopefully lead onto missionary work in the future. I have already gone to the Solomon Islands and plan on going to Russia or Tanzania it the coming years. I have a passion for God, a passion for Social Justice and an over all passion for helping people. But it wasn't always like this. I have struggled with issues of depression and anxiety, was diagnosed with borderline Autism and Asperses at the age of 12 and I struggle with identity issues that have ruled my life for quite some time.
That’s all for my first post. Sorry if it seemed scatted at all, just wanted to give you a brief overview of everything. I will share all of these things in more depth in the coming weeks when I get sometime to get stuff down on paper.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
